The Battle of the COVID Vaccine

After spending months chanting ‘I cannot wait for the COVID vaccine to become available’, some basic bitches and douchebags have had the audacity to say ‘I won’t be getting the vaccination’ for various reasons. Some of them include-

‘What if it contains a microchip and I can be tracked’- do you have location services on your phone? Do you talk about wanting to schedule an appointment with a dentist? Does your instagram then randomly start popping up advertisements about dentists in your area? You’re already being tracked, hun. Also vaccines don’t contain microchips. They contain antibodies.

‘I don’t know what’s in it’- if the researchers were to tell you exactly what went into the vaccine would that make you any the wiser? Do you know what’s in a Panadol? I’m guessing no. Does that stop you from taking the panadol? No.

‘I will wait until it becomes mandatory’- why? It’s like saying ‘I will wait until the government forces me to save my life’. What is stopping you? What exactly are you waiting for?

‘This vaccine is Chinese, I want something else’- do you know how many of the drugs in your cabinet come from China? Also, if the virus can be Chinese, why can’t the vaccine be Chinese? (little racist humour, apologies, that was crass, but I laughed so I might leave it there. The POTUS called it the kung flu virus and remains unharmed. Although he got impeached twice. Oh, dear, what a world we live in).

A friend of mine who is slightly wary of the Chinese vaccine has done 120% of her homework on it. She argues that the effectiveness of it has not been confirmed and that it hasn’t actually passed some of the final stages to be confirmed as a suitable vaccine and hence she would like to wait to see if anyone else rolls something out for the public. In the meantime, she and her family are in relative isolation. Unless you’re doing as much homework as she is, don’t have the audacity to say that you don’t want something that is made in China because it’s made in China. Most of the Earth is made in China. Best go to Mars, then.

‘There is no point because it’s only 85% effective’- no one is asking you to get vaccinated and then go and rub yourself against a COVID patient. 85% effective is still effective. I spent three days in close proximity to a family member showing flu symptoms- she was later diagnosed with COVID. Everybody was sure that I would be positive too, but when I got tested, the result came out negative. I was in the same house, using some of the same things, and I even gave her a hug at one point. If I were to get vaccinated, my immunity + 85% effectiveness of the vaccine would give me crazy high immunity- i.e., I will last forever, bitches. I’m kidding, of course. When people get the flu vaccine, do they volunatrily walk into a germ infested room? No, right? Then why is it any different for the COVID vaccine?

I can’t even imagine how frustrating this must be for healthcare professionals and researchers to see all their work going down the drain because there are people who would rather risk everything than just get a shot. These are the same people who will go to bars and clubs and make out with a random stranger completely unaware of what’s been in their mouths, but getting an actual elixir of life (little Philosopher’s Stone reference- 10 points to Ravenclaw) injected into their bodies makes them scared. These are the people who go out to parties all the time and argue that a mask isn’t really protecting them because apparently they have more knowledge about this than medical professionals. Do I live in a different world? Did you not have a little booklet as a child that a nurse would update as you went, with the vaccinations you’ve completed? What happens if you want to travel to Africa on a holiday to find yourself and need to take the yellow fever vaccine? Do you just tell the inspector at the airport, ‘oh, I’m an anti-vaxxer.’ I can’t imagine an African health inspector having any sympathy for this person. Everybody wants this nonsense to end, so I fail to understand what is preventing people from getting vaccinated. We have all done this isolation/quarantining nonsense for too long. Get vaccinated and let’s move the f*ck on.



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Amandeep Ahuja

Amandeep Ahuja is the Author of ‘The Frustrated Women’s Club’. Buy a copy here: