PARODY

Image from PSU website

It was a morose morning for Mr. and Mrs. Bennet and their five young daughters — Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Catherine, and Lydia. Legal documentation had arrived at the Bennet Residence in Longbourn to declare what the family had always feared but scarcely dared to believe. The Longbourn estate would be passed on to Mr. Collins- the closest male heir of Mr. Bennet- upon the death of Mr. Bennet and his own family shall remain penniless.

Mrs. Bennet and her nerves had had quite the fit. Forever having been on Mrs. Bennet’s case, her nerves did threaten to culminate in a…


POETRY

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When the veil of the night falls,

And darkness still remains;

When the light beckons forward,

’tis the distant dream I see.

When the brightest star shines

And darkest hour pass;

When no sorrow remains,

’tis the distant dream I see.

When the world echoes joy,

And all arms diminish;

When brotherhood becomes soul,

’tis the distant dream I see.

When whispers become heard,

And nothing is concealed;

When freedom is restored,

’tis the distant dream I see.

When the world is all smiles,

And laughter blaring along;

When tears pour not,

’tis the distant dream I see.

When the…


DATING

Photo by Scott Graham on Unsplash

Could it be that to make a relationship last longer we need to treat it like a business agreement?

When we build professional relationships we do it intending to have them last. No one ever drafts up a contract thinking they’re ‘going with the flow’ and that they’ll ‘see how things go’. When a professional relationship starts, it starts with a common belief that the parties involved are going to put in their 100% to make things work and arrive at the outcome they are both looking for. If the outcomes they envision for themselves don’t match, they end all…


COMMENTARY

Photo by Danny Howe on Unsplash

For as long as I can remember, house parties/club nights always go the same way. People gather, get a few drinks, listen to some contemporary mainstream music and once the alcoholic buzz starts to hit them, the requests for the old school stuff start pouring in.

I thought this phenomenon was exclusive to me and my groups of friends. …


REFLECTION

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Why is it that people insist there’s one person for everyone? Or that everyone will “find someone” who loves them and cherishes them and stays with them for the rest of their lives. Is something truly meant to last a lifetime? Surely, love cannot last a lifetime.

Love is a series of biochemical reactions in our brain. Literally a chemical imbalance in our bodies. The human body is known to self-regulate. When it gets ill, white blood corpuscles act on it and get us healthy again. So surely, when the human body goes through a chemical imbalance, it self regulates…


OPEN LETTER

Image by Amandeep Ahuja

Dear Punjab Kings,

I don’t even know how to start. Actually, I do. I hate your new name. I liked Kings XI Punjab. This new name and the new jersey are both shit.

Committing to you is like committing to a fuckboy. Just like a fuckboy, you guarantee disappointment. Where a fuckboy pops up in my DMs at three o’clock in the morning, you occasionally throw a win my way and I think, maybe, just maybe, you might care for your fans a little bit.

What happened on Tuesday, Kings? You and I both know that we had the win…


OPEN LETTER

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Dear Cheating Scum of Mankind,

Have you noticed how any time anyone cheats on their partner, it’s the same sequence of events? Partner A cheats on Partner B. Partner B gets suspicious and starts asking uncomfortable questions to Partner A. Partner A scoffs at Partner B for being ‘crazy’ and ‘jealous’. Within weeks the truth comes out and Partner B is left saying the same thing. ‘You told me I was crazy, being so jealous. You lying c*nt.’

Have you thought about getting a little bit more creative around the types of things you say to your once unsuspecting and…


HUMOUR

Photo by Amandeep Ahuja

Dear Agony Aunt,

I think my dog might be going through crippling commitment issues. I’m not too sure what’s causing it.

When we first started our dynamic of hooman and pet, things were quite glorious, really. I don’t usually talk about these things for fear of imparting TMI but the first night he came home, he was comfortable enough to sleep in my bed. I won’t lie to you, neither of us got much sleep that night. Were we being hasty with our dynamic, Agony Aunt? Should I have waited before letting him into my bed?

For a good hour…


COMMENTARY

Photo by Mitch Rosen on Unsplash

I have always maintained that sport is very important in society. Sport brings people together like nothing else. A group of strangers could become friends in no time if they support the same team. They can become even better friends if they support different teams.

One has to look no further than the episode ‘Are We Not Men?’ on ‘The IT Crowd’ to appreciate this. Moss and Roy waltz into a pub faking knowledge about Arsenal’s ‘ludicrous display last night’ and become BFFs with a West Ham supporting group of hooligans. …


REFLECTION

Photo by Jordan Nix on Unsplash

In the hit song ‘You Only Live Twice’, Nancy Sinatra talks about everyone having one life for themselves and one for their dreams. While the film was about an American space capsule and the song was, more than anything, a promo tool for the film itself, the idea of this title left me rather baffled.

For starters, I was under the impression that you only live once. That is what my entire uni life was based on. Every time that I didn’t want to go out, my friends would ask me to ‘YOLO it’ and just come out.

When I…

Amandeep Ahuja

Musings of a 20-something old in this big scary world. I use humour as a coping mechanism and it shows.

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